I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
