my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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