He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
