im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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