hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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