he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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