I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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