walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
