Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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