It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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