I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
