dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
