last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
