Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
