mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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