We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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