I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
