u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
