is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's JV to your varsity
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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