Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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