This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
