You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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