I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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