Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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