Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
