it hurts more in the daytime
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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