I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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