Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
