Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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