shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
