that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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