it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you win again, gameday.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
