this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
