Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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