Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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