i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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