This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
