She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
