i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
