I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
