and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
