Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I did not marry a roomba.
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