my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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