I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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