I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
