my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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