She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
