And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
