I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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