im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
