I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
