I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
