my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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