it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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