I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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