Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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