Just fell off a train. Bad.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
