It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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