brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He passed out mid-signature
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
