Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
