New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
