ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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