Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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