i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
