How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
do nipples grow back?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
